A Tank Named...

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Mark Jones
Posts: 303
Joined: 06 May 2019 00:17

A Tank Named...

Post by Mark Jones » 23 Nov 2020 03:52

The American tank commander walked into the tavern with a wide grin on his face. Despite the fact that he had not shaved in a week, and was covered from head to toe with grime and soot, he was a happy man.

“What in the hell are you so happy about, Jonsey”, asked Lt. Colonel Cote of the 10th Armored Division. “You look like you just killed another Tiger”.

“Yeah, I killed a Tiger, Dan”, replied Jonsey. “After I smoked the first one, I went ahead and killed two more just for you!”

“The hell you did!”, replied Lt. Colonel Cote. “You don’t have enough holes in you to have killed three Tigers today.”

“OK, you got me Dan”, said Jonsey. “I really didn’t kill three Tigers today. The two I killed for you were just broken down, old Panthers.”

“Probably more like supply trucks”, said Lt. Gillibrand of the 2nd Royal Ulster Rifles.

“Yeah, or maybe even a Kublewagen”, said Lt. Nielsen of the 2/3rd New South Wales.

“Da, if Comrade Jonsey got real lucky!”, quipped Poruchik Repnin. “Even a Sherman could probably manage to penetrate a Kubelwagen with a lucky hit.”

All the Russian officers laughed at their comrade’s humor, while the Brits and Americans looked a bit chagrined.

“Nah, I did better than all that fellows”, continued Jonsey. “You know how them flyboys are always getting artists to paint up their planes with all kinds of menacing things or pretty girls?”

All of the officers nodded in unison as they were well familiar with the artwork of the flyboys.

“Well, I got me one of them artists to paint something awe inspiring and menacing on my tank”, said Jonsey. “Something that will scare the crap out of the Krauts when they see it coming. Something that will leave an indelible mark in their minds that they have messed with the wrong Americans. And the best news of all is that I found a guy who would do it really cheap. It didn’t cost me nearly as much as I had feared it would. He promised to be finished with it this afternoon. I can’t wait to see what he has done.”

The German officers in the tavern just grinned. After all, they were the ones driving the Tigers, and heavy armor and an 88 trumps a good paint job every time.

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Daniel Cote
Posts: 37
Joined: 15 Jul 2019 22:08
Location: Perry, FL USA

Re: A Tank Named...

Post by Daniel Cote » 23 Nov 2020 13:47

Ok i'll bite, lets see the art work.
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TWS Member Since 7 April 2019

Mike Peccolo
Posts: 56
Joined: 12 May 2019 07:45

Re: A Tank Named...

Post by Mike Peccolo » 25 Nov 2020 16:58

Everyones attention was diverted to the front of the tavern as a noisy motorbike tricycle arrived bearing an finely dressed Italian officer. As he entered the tavern he nodded in the direction of the German table and a friendly wave to the British. He walked up to the scuzzy American and said, "Scuzi, my motor bike need's a some petrol, could you fill it up?" Poruchik Repnin let out a loud guffaw, which was joined by most everyone in the tavern. Lt. Nielsen of the British Army said between chuckles, "Hey Pizano, thats an American officer your talking to!" The Italian Lieutenant was shocked giving a salute, " Oh, I'ma so sorry, by your appearance I'da thought you were a mechanic. Here have a little drink on me, a nice glass of Barbera." With that he handed the grubby American officer a glass, poured some vino, clinked his glass, "Salute!" and tossed down the small dram he had given himself. "My apologies and sir," and the Italian gave Jonesy a salute, which Jonesy slowly returned while his mouth hung open. With that the Italian turned to the door. Before he got there, he looked down and saw a small lump of mud that had gotten upon his shiny boots. He stopped, pursed his lips as he removed a small kerchief from his breast pocket and bent over to dab away the mud. "Exellenti!" he stated as he removed the offending debris and flew out the door to the word, "Avanti!" Climbing aboard his motorbike, he fired it up and moved down the road trailing a faint cloud of exhaust.
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Mark Jones
Posts: 303
Joined: 06 May 2019 00:17

Re: A Tank Named...

Post by Mark Jones » 28 Nov 2020 01:25

The American tank commander slowly shook his head as he watched the immaculate Italian officer drive away.

“That man is in the wrong business”, he said.

“How’s that?,” asked Lt. Cote.

Jonsey turned an incredulous look on his fellow American officer, “Have you ever seen how dirty a dispatch rider gets!”

Jonsey grinned, “That tricyle he is riding ain’t nothing more than a motorcycle with training wheels.”

Even the German officers chuckled at that one. The Italians might be their allies, but they never deigned to consider them their equals.

“I do admit that the configuration does have its advantages”, continued Jonsey. “I’ll bet you didn’t notice, but that Italian Lieutenant has an ice box bolted to the back of his machine. When he isn’t fighting, he motors around selling ice cream. He peddles some of the best spumoni this side of Genoa.”

While the other officers were weighing the truth of the American’s latest claim, a small Frenchman walked into the tavern. He was wearing a beret and his clothes were stained with many different blotches of colored paint. Finding the person he was seeking, he walked over to the American tanker they called Jonsey.

“Monsieur Colonel, your tank is ready. Would you like to see it?”

Jonsey brightened at the announcement. “I sure would! And I want all of these fellows to see it too. C’mon gents. This is going to be really good!”

All of the officers left the tavern and walked over to an M4A3E8 Sherman whose turret front was covered with a tarp. Climbing up on the tank, Jonsey turned to face the assembled officers. Grasping the corner of the tarp with one hand, he looked the German officers squarely in the eyes and said, “Now fellows, do try your best not to wet yourselves when you see this.”

One German officer dismissed his comment with the wave of his gloved hand.

With one rapid movement, Jonsey yanked the tarp aside as he proclaimed, “Behold, hell hath no Fury like…”

He didn’t even get to finish his sentence before the German officers doubled over in laughter, fell to the ground, and wet themselves despite his admonition that they wouldn’t do so. Poruchik Repnin burst out in uncontrolled laughter as well. Try as they might, the British officers could not keep from grinning. Colonel Cote merely covered his eyes and looked like he was going to get sick.

Jonsey was totally taken aback by their reactions. It was not at all what he had expected. “What?”, he said. “Hell hath no Fury like…”, as he turned to look at the artwork on the turret, a sudden lump formed in his throat making it difficult to finish the sentence. The best he could manage was a high pitched, indignant squeak, “…a teddy bear!?”

The French Artist clasped his hands together in sheer delight as he admired the artwork that he had placed on the turret of the American tank.

“Le Furry!”, he beamed.

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Daniel Cote
Posts: 37
Joined: 15 Jul 2019 22:08
Location: Perry, FL USA

Re: A Tank Named...

Post by Daniel Cote » 28 Nov 2020 02:47

I like it!
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TWS Member Since 7 April 2019

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